Case of the Mondays
Despite the glorious hockey wins of Sunday, or maybe because of them, I had a terrible sleep and woke up yesterday with a debilitating case of the Mondays: groggy, completely lacking the will to live, and chock-full of free floating rage. I have not been hit this hard in a looong time. On a day like this, it just feels like the whole world and everything in it is conspiring to piss you off.
Here is an artist’s rendering of me:
artwork by The Oatmeal
Work had no hopes of improving my mood, but I thought that a nice walk afterward with Cassie would help. Except within a couple hundred feet of our door she had already rolled around in some weird green gunk and a giant puddle and gotten herself completely wrapped up in her leash. Whenever a bigger dog comes along, Cassie immediately flips onto her back in a squirmy, kicky, excited show of deference to her elders (or maybe she’s just a hussy). Usually it can be pretty amusing, but I wasn’t in the mood for her antics. We made a short loop around the park and hurried home.
Then I tried to write a post about it all, but the mere feel of the keys under my fingers was causing fresh waves of fury to build up so I had to stop that too. Instead I just watched some PVR’d Parks and Rec and giggled over Oatmeal and Hyperbole and a Half cartoons. Apparently there is no grump that cannot be broken by crudely drawn cartoon figures.
At least I did one thing right – I owned my grump. Usually when there is free-floating anger sparking around, John starts to resemble a lightning rod in my eyes: a preferred target to quickly ground my anger (in my defense, he is really tall). So when I called him in the afternoon I repeated “on my team, on my team, on my team…” to myself while the phone was ringing. And rather than give him the chance to say anything at all that could potentially attract my fury, I led with “gaah I hate the world and it hates me – sympathize!” We got on the same page. And really, irrational all consuming rage can be kind of funny when you’re in on the joke.
I woke up feeling literally like a different person today. I mean I actually had someone else’s face. Ok just kidding, but it does make for good imagery when you hold people accountable to their use of “literally”.
And just in case you didn’t click that link – there is no excuse even if you have seen it before! – here is a bit more to convince you: